September 14 - Laura and I spent this day recovering from imbibing too much wine the previous evening, while impatiently waiting for Jaclyn and Krissy to get off work and arrive at Laura’s house.  We had places to be and it was going to be an overnight drive to get there.  Anxious to get on the road didn’t describe the anticipation.  We were heading off for a weekend with about 10 of our closest friends and approximately 60 of our closest strangers for a private event with Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Sam Bradley and Edward Hartline in Fairfax, Virginia (near Washington, DC).  For those that have never heard of these artists or don’t know why this event would be such a big deal, here’s a little background.

Bobby, Marcus, and Sam are all mates that met and played the open mic scene in London together before branching out on their respective career paths.  Back in late 2008/ early 2009 they broke out in America and most people follow and support all three artists. To my knowledge, the only time these three have ever performed together in America was in Dallas, TX in 2009.  It was a very public sold out event for 400 people.  This weekend was a private event for less than 100 people to include not only performances, but a Q & A session, raffles of exclusive items, exclusive merch, and a chance to socialize and get to know the artists.  So yes, a very big deal for die hard fans.  Edward Hartline?  Interesting story here.  He’s a teenager who was so inspired by these three musicians that he became one himself.

We finally get on the road about 7:30 pm central time.  We spend the first several hours chatting and catching up, then Laura and I get down to some serious jamming of the tunes while we shared the 10 hour drive to Virginia.  Poor Krissy was sick, and hyped up on cold medicine, so she drifted in and out of sleep in the back, but Kimmie, Jaclyn, Laura, and I couldn’t sleep at all.

September 15 - We arrived at the hotel in Virginia at about 6:30 am eastern time.  Y’all we were so punchy by this time from lack of sleep that it was basically like being drunk.  We knew things were a little off and we were way too tired when trying to park and our wheels made a god awful screeching noise on the asphalt.  We started giggling maniacally and couldn’t stop.  I was trying to talk to Don on the phone at the time and couldn’t even finish the conversation.  Yeah…just a little punchy. <Laura – I want to state for the record….Tara and I both drove this long, 10 hour drive through the dark Virginia night and guess what happened this trip? WE DIDN’T ALMOST DIE!!!!!”>

Andrea from Germany
Getting the party started

Our festivities started early that day by having breakfast with several friends that arrived the day before and were already up.  After a bite and a number of hugs we headed up to nap for a bit before we had to be at the venue later that afternoon.  We were too tired to even open our suitcases and climb into our jammies so we just crashed as we were.  You’d think we would have slept most of the day, but we barely got 3 hours before we were all up getting ready to go.  This is pretty standard for our road trips though.  Sleep is vastly overrated when there are friends to see. <Laura – Clothes are also overrated…I think we were all in our skivvies and not one of us gave a shit. Exhaustion trumps modesty every time>.

There were people everywhere we hadn’t seen in a long time.  Not only from all over the continental US, but a couple from Germany that had flown over as well.   When an event of this magnitude is planned no one wants to miss it (which actually becomes an issue later.  Keep reading).  As usual, our hotel room was ground zero with everyone stopping by to say hi.  The vodka got opened early and cameras were snapping away.

Me = Lesbian Hotness

So dressed to the nine’s, with our makeup and hair did, we all headed over to the Auld Shebeen and the reserved downstairs bar area for our party.  Charlie was our emcee for the evening, and let me tell you this man is a wonder.  He, and his wife Mandi, are the cutest couple ever and have a marriage everyone should aspire to.  He was a highlight of the entire event and kept everyone hyped up for all the special things that had been planned.  I’ll skip over the first several hours, with the performances by Edward Hartline and Sam Bradley, and straight to the main event.  At 10 pm, the reserved club opened to the public with a DJ and we finally got down to partying hard.  So much happened during this day that I can’t possibly relate it all, and honestly there are some things that I just won’t share because it’s kind of a ”what happens in vegas stays in vegas” kind of thing, but here were some highlights:

First, I tend to be fairly reserved and you won’t catch me on a dance floor.  I’m a wallflower and tend to hide in a corner.  Not this time.  On the constant advice from my friends, I finally let loose and just got out there.  Feeling no pain after several vodka crans, Laura and I hit the dance floor hard and spent most of the night there.  Wandering outside periodically to chat with groups of friends that congregated there, we kept heading straight back in to the dance floor.  Laura told me I was Tara 2.0 this night.  Evidently, I was working it - hair, makeup, clothes, and attitude - cause I had several women come up to me and say variations of “I’m not a lesbian, but if I were I’d be all over you because you are smoking HOT!”  Thus the term Lesbian Hotness was born.  Now I just need some fine, young strapping lads to give me the same love.  While Bobby did tell me I looked amazing, he’s like my little brother that I am alternately frustrated by, and proud of.  So, just no.

Although that leads me into another story.  According to Krissy I have legs that belong to a pin-up girl.  Everyone tells me how much they want my legs, but I keep saying they look a little skinny.  This is a long standing conversation, but while we were getting ready at the hotel on this day Laura popped off and asked me if I was wearing shorts or riding a chicken.  I would have slapped her if I wasn’t laughing so hard.  Not an hour later someone else was commenting about how skinny my legs are.  Really, y’all.  I’m just riding a chicken.

Laura and Bobby Long

Actually, Bobby was in rare form the entire weekend.  He was relaxed and joking with everyone.  Most of the pictures with him have some sort of funny face – crossed eyes, open mouth, etc.  Laura and I got into a conversation with him that will definitely not be shared.  Let’s just say that all three of us can be particularly lazy about some things. <Laura – I’m glad no one heard that conversation but the three of us, because when people are being honest you find yourself admitting, while also learning, that we’re all disgusting human beings.>

A particularly memorable conversation that had everyone in stitches, and was highly instructive, was essentially the Kama Sutra for Assholes.  Bobby decided to share with us a few of the “positions” he had knowledge of. This conversation was held on the sidewalk outside of the venue where many other people were coming and going so he had us all lean in, huddle style, so he wouldn’t be overheard. Too bad no one bothered to tell him even in the huddle, we were all still drunk and yelling back and forth to another. His version of The Kama Sutra included titles like The Crack In The Pavement, The Armless Shirt, The Superman, and The Glowstick. <Laura – I think he just started making shit up as he went along.> 

Laura and I skipped out on this conversation and went back to the dance floor (like I said, nothing was keeping us away), but I do remember details of The Ghost:  You have a mate hide in a closet.  Face your girl to the window, with her back to the door.  Start getting it on from behind and when she’s particularly into it, have your mate take over without the girl realizing the switch.  Run out the door and around to the window.  Have your mate make sure she looks and start waving at her. <Laura – Good Lord, he’s sick.> 

Cruel, right?  But very, very funny.  I want to specifically state that Bobby has not actually done any of this stuff.  He’s a very sweet guy and has a long term girlfriend, ladies, so please dry your eyes.  It was just a funny conversation so don’t get all pissy.

Laura rocking the Flashdance vibe
Why is Krissy in pigtails?

<Laura – I also think one of the reasons you wanted to go in was because you were having trouble staying upright and when you asked why you couldn’t stand up straight, someone had to tell you that you were standing on an incline. I think you just felt like you needed to be back on the level dance floor.>

At some point in the evening, Laura went retro and combined several glow bracelets into a head band, and her 80′s flashdance look was born.  She rocked it and worked the room like a champ.  She was all over, talking to everyone, and managed to not burn me with a cigarette once.  I was so proud. <Laura – That may seriously may be the first time I haven’t burned you. BTW, I’m still very sorry I flicked that cigarette that landed on your neck that time on your patio. My bad…really. I’m sorry.>

One of the funniest things that happened during the evening was that Laura inadvertently caused a scandal.  As she tends to do more often that not.  This time she caused a rumor to go around the event that two sisters from Oklahoma were getting up to a little girl on girl action on the dance floor.  Not that there is anything wrong with a little girl on girl action, but this is what really happened…  <Laura – You seem to have gotten in touch with your inner Lesbian. If I didn’t know you were married to Big D and had a couple of boy crushes, you’d have me convinced you have started batting for the other team.>

Who wouldn’t want some of this
girl on girl action?

We were getting ready to skip out and head back to the hotel.  Laura was saying goodbye to our friends, Nastashia and Melissa (the sisters).  Laura and Melissa went in for the standard kiss to the cheek manoeuver, but between both of them being a wee bit hammered instead of going for the opposite cheeks they inadvertently tried for the same cheek and ended up giving each other a kiss on the lips.  This caused the guy they were standing near to perk up with obvious interest, thinking he was going to get a show.  It was so funny that after our small group had left, Natashia and Melissa tried to explain what happened to another friend, Tiffany, by demonstrating it.  A few busy bodies saw it, and not knowing what was really going on, started telling everyone that the two sisters were making out.  We heard all of this later and laughed ourselves silly.  I’m just going to tell y’all to be careful.  Being anywhere in Laura’s general vicinity is going to stir some shit.

<Laura – You forgot to mention your concentrated drunken walk back to the car. When asked if you were okay you would assure us “I GOT IT” then would over correct and swerve back to the other side of the sidewalk. It’s wasn’t really a serpentine pattern, but more of a three steps to the right, three steps to the left, three steps to the right, and so forth and so on. It was swerving with military precision.”>

The rest of the night back at the hotel was spent in the usual after party way.  Talking about everything seen and overheard that day, sharing stories, and watching all the drunks falling out of cabs and stumbling back in.  A few search parties may even have been sent out to locate missing people.  Laura and I had an unusual elevator ride where the doors opened on our floor and the first thing we saw was someone curled on the floor in the fetal position.  After a few minutes of trying to help and being told “this is exactly where I want to be at this moment”, we figured they were an adult and could find their own room when they were ready.

There were a few inappropriate comments made by a couple of people about the relative “hotness” of one or other of the musicians, which doesn’t sit well with the majority of us as we are there for the music and our friends, not to be groupies, but the only real drama of the event was caused by someone who wasn’t even there.  Since this was a private event, and not open to the public, the organizers invited their friends and who they thought would be appropriate to the spirit of the event.  It was not broadcast and discussed publicly beforehand. <Laura – The “OH GAWD HE’S SO HOTTTT” comment may not have been so bad had it not come from someone plenty old enough to be his mother. Ewwww.”>

Unfortunately, someone spilled the beans and all of sudden during the day a number of us got a message of a new follower on twitter.  This person decided to publicly rant that they hadn’t been invited and followed many of us to see what we were saying about it.  As far as I know, none of us responded then but I am going to say this now.  Grow up.  Seriously.  If you want to be at an event like this so bad, either don’t be a freak or organize your own event.  There have been a number of private events I haven’t been invited to and guess what?  I don’t give a damn.  Either they didn’t know me or didn’t want me there but I’m not going after them for not being included.  I have better things to do.

My better thing to do right now is think about all the friends I got to spend time with. Laura, Krissy, Kimmie, Sheila, Pam, Andrea, Maike, Emily, Jaclyn, Cyn, Natashia, Melissa, Mandi, Charlie, Sherry and the many others I had a great time with this day, I want to say thank you and I miss you all terribly.  I can’t wait to see you all again.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the BEST WEEK EVER.  Did you think this weekend was over?  God no.  This was just Saturday.  One more day of the private event where the lack of sleep started to catch up with us.  So stay tuned and hear all about how we totally punked Krissy with a little help from our friends.

Tara

The Dunwells at Live on the Green

September 12 – As most of my epic trips start, it involved a drive to Nashville and Laura’s house.  It’s roughly a 4.5 – 5 hour drive, but at this point I do it so often that I don’t even notice it anymore.  This trip was special though because 1. I had a car load of Laura’s favorite pizza, Imo’s, which you can only get in St. Louis, and it was driving my diet deprived senses mad and B. I was hauling ass to get there in time for us to pick Kimmie up at the airport.  That’s right.  I said Kimmie.  As in, I live in Montana and the flights are so expensive I will never make it out of this state without a second mortgage on the house Kimmie.  But this was a can’t miss trip so her new husband, the awesome Chad, made sure she had a ticket and was on her way to us.

This day was fairly uneventful and we mostly spent hours talking and visiting, until about 1:30 am when we went to blow up the air mattress and realized my hubs forgot to pack the air compressor with the mattress.  What to do?  Well…for us this involves a trip to Walmart in the middle of the night.  You’d think we’d make a quick in and out, but no.  We spent at least an hour roaming around the store looking at a ton of crap we neither want or need.  Get home, blow up the air bed and crash only to wake up the next morning to find out it somehow got a hole in it and deflated almost immediately so Kimmie spent the night in the recliner.

September 13 – Not a clue what we did during the day here except get ready for concert no. 1.  That’s right, kiddies.  The Dunwells, Delta Spirit, and The Wallflowers were performing at Live on the Green and we had VIP tickets.  Why do you need VIP tickets to a free concert series you ask?  Great question.  Free alcohol, free food, and side stage access.  Well…not really side stage, it was actually a sectioned off area in front of the stage, but still.  We would have spent the amount of the ticket on dinner and drinks anyway so it made perfect sense to us.  At the time.

Jonny Lamb and me

So inchyways… we kitted up and headed downtown to meet up with Jennifer and see the show.  On the way in, we ran across The Dunwells tour manager, Jody.  So what is the first thing he asks me?  “What happened to you in Louisville?  Why did you leave so fast?”  Of course Laura starts laughing her ass off.  I calmly reply, “long story” and leave it at that.  For those that haven’t read this previous blog post yet, I ran away from Dave Hanson like a scared little bitch.

We catch the guys at the side of the stage and give Jonny a bottle of gin for his birthday.  He’s delighted and surprised we knew he liked gin and asked how we found out.  Dude, we are ninja like that.  Of course we know.  And we don’t ever tell.  Ok, well obviously we do cause we blog the craziest/ stupidest shit, but whatevs.  Not this time.  We talked for a few minutes to all except Dave Hanson, who has evidently decided to avoid me like the plague, then moseyed off to find our free wine, food and wait for the show.

L to R: Me, Kimmie, Laura, and Jennifer front row

The Dunwells were the openers for the evening and once they took the stage at about 6:20 we headed up to the reserved section at the front of the stage.  It was Kimmie’s first time seeing them live and I was excited to be introducing yet another friend to their amazing music.  The sound mix seemed to be a little off at this show with Joe’s vocals down too low, but it didn’t seem to detract from the crowd’s enjoyment.  I kept turning around to check out how the audience was reacting to them and they seemed to be going down a storm.  Hands down the cutest thing ever though was a little girl, about 3 years old, in the VIP section with us.  Her mother told us it was her first concert and she was dancing like there was no tomorrow.  I moved aside so she could come up to the railing in front with us and she tried to climb the barrier several times to get to the stage.  We were standing right in front of Rob and he had a huge grin on his face as he watched her.  Wish I had a picture of that.  It was priceless.

Afterward, we  went to the merch table to get photos with the guys and have my copy of the re-released version of Blind Sighted Faith signed.  As before, Dave Hanson avoided us. My plague is apparently bubonic.  It was sheer craziness over there so we took off as soon as we could back to the VIP tent, our table, and our free wine.  This is where it starts to get sketchy…

Dave and Joe Dunwell and me

One of the things that Live on the Green implemented this year was a limit on the free alcohol.  By chatting up a few veteran VIP’ers, we found out that last year there was a huge problem with people in the VIP area handing off free alcohol to the poor, huddled masses in the general section so this year they institued a token system.  Each person received 5 tokens for free beer or wine, then after that it was a cash bar.  Five tokens is more than enough, right?  Well…it was for me.  I even somehow lost one and only used 4.  But Laura snagged Kimmie’s tokens since she wasn’t drinking, and eight or nine tokens in she was lit like a christmas tree.  OK, so were me and Jennifer but it doesn’t take nearly as much to get us hammered.  The problem with wine?  It doesn’t just make you drunk.  It make you euphoric.  Not a good combination for us when there is a camera involved.

Dave Hanson and me

All of this would have been fine, except Dave Hanson came into the VIP area and Laura decided it was time to talk.  Her opening line?  “So what did you do to make my girl run away from you in Louisville?”  His reply, “I have no idea.  I thought I smelled bad or something.”  After this convo, and a few chuckles at my expense, Laura decides to call me over.  Feeling no fear cause hey – I was happy as a clam at this point with my wine in hand, I wandered over.  Dave Hanson literally stops dead with a shocked look on his face, then TAKES OFF RUNNING.    Let me repeat this… HE TAKES OFF RUNNING AWAY FROM ME!!!  I’d call him a complete ass, but by then we were all laughing too hard.  He came back, gave me a hug, and I was finally able to explain why I was such an idiot.  All is forgiven and we can now laugh at the Louisville episode.  So there is one bonus to being drunk.  It seems I can open my mouth and speak to boys.  Kind of like Raj from The Big Bang Theory.  In reverse.  And for those who doubt that I actually talked to him?  Proof —>

Oh…but we are still not done.  Oh no.  A little while later Rob Clayton decides to stroll over.  Laura grabs him and asks for another picture because she didn’t like the one taken at the merch tent.  Rob’s a good guy so he agrees.  You know how two girls have to take 80 pictures before there is one that they will both agree looks good?   Yeah, well Laura and Rob together are just as bad.  He said he looked crazy in every picture and she tells him of course he does, but that’s all right - he just needs to smile.  He said he doesn’t look good smiling and I tell him that’s crap because I saw him smiling at that little girl dancing and it was an amazing smile.  We went round and round on these damn pictures (not that I can say anything.  I’m just as bad).

Pretty sure Mongoose was tired of pics at this point

Finally, we called a halt to the pictures and were able to talk a little bit.  I told him I was really impressed with his bass playing.  If y’all don’t know by now, Laura and I have a thing for bass players.  We love watching them.  They always have crazy moves or expressions on their faces.  This was the first show I was actually in front of Rob and his fingers were FLYING on “Follow The Road”.  It was brilliant.

After a bit, he excused himself to get a beer before they hit the road as they were staying about three hours away that night.  He was probably very happy to escape.  Regardless, we love Rob.  At some point in the evening, and our drunken conversations, he ended up getting a nickname.  I think it was Jennifer who said he was Mongoose Hot, then Laura said no, he was Mongoose Cool.  I have no idea why, or even what in the hell it’s supposed to mean, but he is now our Mongoose.  Yeah.  We just shouldn’t be allowed to drink wine anymore.

So after that it was all fairly normal for us.  Made some new friends, shot some video, took a few pictures – some that will never see the light of day, and made it home safe with Kimmie as our designated driver.  The next morning was not so good.  If this cautionary tale of embarassing oneself in public is not enough of a reason to avoid wine and stick to our dear old friend, vodka, here’s my facebook post from the next morning:  Not gonna say I have a hangover but there’s a definite headache-y quality to this morning’s activities. Which mainly involve not moving for a while.

Btw…Laura has no idea where she got this flower.  I do, cause I’m ninja like that, but I’m not telling this one either. 

So tune in next time as I continue the story of the BEST WEEK EVER!  Another road trip.  More concerts.  More drinks.  A lot more pictures.  And an epic one-up on a long running joke.

Tara

I used my mother in laws name in that last example so I could segue into the point of this story. Names. More importantly, the names given to people here in the south. I don’t really know much about the rest of the country, but I do know a little something about names here in the south, specifically the names of my family members and I just realized recently how ridiculous some of them are. My mother in law’s name is Dollie Jean. Isn’t that cute? It fits her. Thing is, she is called all different combinations of her name as I’ve found to be the case with many other people here in the south. She is Jean to her husband, so to those of us in the family that don’t call her Momma or Grannie, she is Jean. She is Dollie Jean to her siblings and people she has known her whole life. She is called just Dollie by people who have met her as an adult, except her best friend, who also calls her Jean. Funny little side note, her grandchildren also call her different names. She is Nana to my brother in laws four oldest kids but Grannie to his youngest son. She is also called Grannie by my husband’s kids. But when my kids came along, my mom was Grannie and so was my Grandmother so they called my mother in law G-Ma. If you ever meet her, just call her what you want to. She answers to anything.

There are a lot of funny names in my husbands family too. His two grandfathers for example. Kuron and Edrow. I’m just glad Big Sexy wasn’t named after either of them. My grandparents had some interesting names as well. My sweet Grannie’s name was Viola Dency. She pretty much went by Viley but I never understood what the Dency was all about. I never asked either.

My great-grandparents were John and Laura and that’s pretty normal. You may ask if I was named after my great-grandmother. The answer to that question is no. When my mom was little, one of their neighbors had a daughter that was college aged and her name was Laura Ann and was called Laura Ann and my mom always liked the name. I have no idea why she decided to call me just Laura and not Laura Ann, but I’m seriously okay with that. (I’m even more okay with not having my great grandmother’s full name, Laura Maybelle.) Back to Grannie Laura. My mom says she didn’t even realize my great-grandmothers name was the same as Laura Ann Duke’s. She says that Papa always called her “Lar” so she didn’t make the connection until later in life. I did hear a story that when I was born and she took me to visit Papa and Grannie and Papa said she’d already “ruint” me by naming me Laura. I never really knew those great grandparents because they died when I was 2 but I’ve heard that Grannie Laura and the man who lived on the neighboring farm, Rufus Tidwell, had a running feud and she hated his guts til the day she died so I feel like I may be just a little bit like her.

My great grandparents pretty much named all their kids normal-ish names. Here’s the catch, they all either had nicknames or their names were pronounced in such a backwoods country way that you had to see their name written to know what it really was…sorta like the Laura/Lar thing. In my Grandad’s family was Nathaniel who was called Nath (Nay-th)…not Nate, which I’ve heard before, but Nath. Then there was my aunt Edna who got called Edny. It wasn’t a nickname, that’s just how they pronounced Edna. Then there was my grandfather Vernon Wallace, who was Wallace but also V.W. And every one I’ve ever met called him both names almost equally. I don’t know why it was one name at one time and the other at different times. I never could figure out a pattern. I found out recently that he was always Wallace until he was grown then decided to go by VW to distinguish himself from another Wallace Sullivan from Kingston Springs, TN who passed bad checks. Then there was my Aunt Hannah, which was pronounced Hanner. My mom says she was grown before she realized “Aint Hanner” had the same name as Hannah in the bible. Then came Uncle JC. This one is tricky. No first name, no middle name, just JC. He was named after his uncle JC. We’re not sure if the first JC had names or not. Now, if JC wasn’t enough, he also was called Huncie or Hunc (pronounced Hunts…like the tomato sauce) I’m not done yet. Next came McClain. He was called Mac or Clain, but never McClain. His son Melvin wanted to call him Mac but was told by my Aunt Rena he couldn’t call him by his given name because that was his Daddy so he started calling him Daddy Mac, which caught on and people in the community started calling him Daddy Mac which cracks me up because it sounds so Gangsta.

Finally we come to Uncle George. Just regular old George, right? Not so fast. His full name was George Hadley so after his nephew George Monroe was born, everyone started calling him George Hat to differentiate between the two.  When he died there was some debate on if his name was actually HaDley or HaTley. I think the Hatley made it onto the tombstone so Hatley it is. It’s carved in stone.

You’d think I would be out of crazy names by now. Nope. Now onto to the cousins. My sweet Aint Hanner had a bunch of kids. There was Hadley (that one was definitely with a D) and then Roosevelt, who was called “Pos”…short for “Possum”. Then there was Catherine Elvaina who went by “Sweetie”, Vernon who went by “Bones”, then two other daughters, Doris Jane and Joan who as far as I know never were called anything but their names which are fairly normal. Last but not least was Thomas Owen who went by Tommy. His name is okay, but he was named after his daddy, Owen Caleb who went by, I’m sad to say, Dick.

My Aint Edny also had three kids. James, normal enough, and William Dewey who went by “Bug” and David Carson, who went by “Doodle”. There are some other cousins out there with some interesting names. Our cousin Loretta who still to this day is called “Screwgie”. There are a couple of other cousins worth mention. Siblings Eddie Ray who went by “Red Buck”, Eual, Heath and Gus. What makes me giggle about that particular branch of the family tree is that Gus went on to get his PhD in English from Vanderbilt. I wonder if he ever introduced his brother Red Buck to any of his fellow scholars. Can you imagine how awkward that would have been?

More often than not it’s the men in the family with the crazy names, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my cousin Clemmie and her daughter Clemmie Faye. I also would like to give an honorary mention to Aunt Sack. Aunt Sack was my Grannie Laura’s step mother. Her mother Jennie had passed and GrandPap married Aunt Sack who was also a widow. I don’t know if Aunt Sack was actually anyone’s Aunt, but she was a midwife in the area and delivered EVERYBODY up until the early 1940’s. She delivered my mom’s oldest brother but I think Grannie went to the hospital for the rest of her kids. Aunt Sack also delivered Uncle George (AKA George Hat) and apparently marked his birth certificate female but no one knew this until he enlisted in the Army during WWII. I asked my mom if Aunt Sack’s name was actually Sack. Since she’s the family historian and she doesn’t know what her name actually was, then no one knows. Hell, it may actually be Sack.

I told you all of that so I could tell you this. I went to the family cemetery where my Grandparents are buried and was looking at all the names on the tombstones. I didn’t know who half the people were until my mom connected the names on the headstones to the names I’d actually heard these people called. I also think it’s worth mentioning that my Aunt Edna has a bowling ball engraved on her headstone.  Anyway, somewhere down the rows, I saw Uncle Steve’s grave. I don’t remember Uncle Steve. I think he died before I was born but if I’m not mistaken, he’s Red Buck and Gus, PhD’s father. What struck me funny is that I found the name “Steve” to be odd.  Only in my family would Steve be the “weird” name.

God, I love being Southern!!

Oh…and related to the title of this post, my Grannie had a brother named Hickman…and he went by, yep you guessed it, HICK.

UPDATE: Apparently I was incorrect on some of the family connections. My mother was kind enough to send me an email to enlighten me. I’m posting her email. In case you are wondering why the rest of the country is under the impression that we here in the south marry our cousins, this should clear that right up for you. Don’t judge me.

This week I’m going to highlight three bands that fit in this category for me.  The first one, They Might Be Giants, was extremely popular for a while and chances are you’ve heard at least one of their songs.  The other two may be less well known, but definitely worth checking out.

They Might Be Giants – Probably the only band that can take over for both your history and science teacher.  I know I learned a lot from them.

Istanbul Not Constantinople

Why Does The Sun Shine?

Ludo- a band from my hometown, St. Louis, MO.  I’m not sure how far reaching their popularity went, but they are very popular here.  They always sell out their themed shows at The Pageant and I’ve seen them open for huge acts such as Shinedown.

Love Me Dead – with over 3 million hits on youtube I’d say this song is pretty popular.  The lyrics are both clever and quirky.  The video is a fun, adventurous romp.  Here’s a verse so you can see just how fun this song is:

You’re a faith-healer on tv
You’re an office park without any trees
corporate and cold, gushing for gold-leave me alone.
You suck so passionately
You’re a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature
finger-bangin’ my heart.
You call me up drunk, does the fun ever start?
You’re hideous…and sexy!

Broken Bride Part I – This song is part 1 of a 4 part rock opera (I’ve seen the entire thing performed).  This is a great fan video, which was made to announce an engagement, but I think it showcases the song wonderfully.  While so many of my friends are crazy over Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey, I have to shake my head.  Who wants some misogynistic asshole who bosses his woman around and makes her feel bad about herself, no matter how good looking or rich he is?  I’d much rather have a poor dweeb who loved me so much he would spend 15 years developing a time machine to go back in time and save my life.  So what if he overshoots a little bit.  Don’t ask for much, do I?  hehe

Flipron – I’m not even sure where to start with these guys.  Probably the most original band I’ve ever heard and had the pleasure of seeing perform live.  Each of their songs is well crafted, with the use of some instruments and compositional elements that are completely unexpected.  Mavis is probably my favorite song of theirs, simply because it makes me dance (and I want to know why he only brought her TEN roses), but Big and Clever probably has one of my favorite verses:

Well, you’re so righteous and vengeful and good
You’re like Jesus Christ meets Hamlet meets Robin Hood
You want to save the world and see me suffer for my crimes
Well, your failure will follow you, as you follow me
Yeah, we’re a cozy little threesome: you, your failure, and me
And I find it all rather amusing every time

Gravity Calling – probably the first song of theirs I heard and still one of my favorite.  It’s got a great toe-tapping beat.  And probably the tallest guy playing bass I’ve ever seen in my life.

Book of Lies – I swear this song was written for a woman I used to know.  She swore Aerosmith wrote Love In An Elevator for her after she had sex in one with Steven Tyler, or was it Joe Perry (or both?).  She even offered to introduce me to Billy Idol on facebook.  Um…why?  I’m sure I can go like his page myself if I want.  This from the women who went around telling everyone a certain musician sent her a personal message on myspace after he posted a blog for the world to see.  *cough* crazy bitch from Tuscaloosa *cough*.  In any case, it’s campy and fun – and I DARE you not to think of someone you know who fits the bill while listening to it.

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The Vicious Car and Love Poem – this could be the soundtrack for Stephen King’s Christine.  It’s like Edgar Allan Poe reading a story to music.  A live festival performance so skip to about 1:50 in get past the intros.

The Comet Returns featuring Neville Staple from The Specials - the newest single off the upcoming album ‘Firework Shoes’, released September 10th via Tiny Dog Records.  I believe this is their 4th studio album as I own three others (what, you doubted my superfandom?).  Described as a twangy guitar off beat spaghetti-ska number, it’s just fun.  And the ever present TV censor board can kiss my lily white bum for refusing to play the video until they remove the clip of Trevor Evans (from The Specials) blowing smoke at the camera.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  OMFG.  TV is rife is drugged up junkies getting busted, bad girls clubs, complete dregs of humanity via Snookie and Jersey Shore, 14 year old gypsy girls shaking their ass to find a husband and pregnant 16 year olds, but heaven forbid an adult be seen SMOKING.  Grow the fuck up people.

Cheers x

Tara

2:54 – Scarlet (my favorite by far from the entire sampler)

Porcelain Raft – Drifting In and Out

PitchBlak Brass Band – The Light (Live at Brooklyn Bowl)

Nash – Taken Away

Ain’t No Love – Shine

Foam Lake – True Hearts

Brasstronaut – Bounce

Elephant Stone – Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

There are a lot more great songs on the sampler, but you’ll have to go check them out for yourself.  In case you missed it above, the link to download the sampler pack is here.

Cheers x

Tara

There will be an upcoming blog about the amazing time we had at Lolla and how we can’t wait to go back again, but that’s another (longer) story.  Last week, I shared some tunes from a few of the bands we were excited to see.  This week, I’ll add on to that list.  Some of them are bands we knew and loved their set, others are ones we wanted to see but couldn’t, and a few are bands we didn’t know about but caught the show and liked them.

While waiting to see the first band on Laura’s must see list, Band of Skulls, we positioned ourselves in a nice shady spot at the Google Play stage and caught a great show from SBTRKT.  WTF?  Yeah, that’s what we said when we saw the name, but after chatting up a few of the restless natives who were waiting to hear them play, it turns out you pronouce it Subtract.  Who knew?  Obviously a bunch of 20 year old dope smokers cause the place was rank!

Actual footage taken from Lolla for Band of Skulls.  You can see what we did

We stopped off at Perry’s stage before heading over to the mass chaos building for The Black Keys and did a bit of dancing to Nero.  So much energy at the EDM stages!

Milo Greene was the first band we hit up on Saturday at the Playstation stage.  AMAZING!  LOVED THEM!

Eli Thomson from Everest had told us about his friends in Delta Spirit so we made sure to check them out!  We’re thrilled to be able to see them next month in Nashville too.  Lolla footage.

A band from Nashville that neither of us had heard of, but we bought their CD and headed over to the FYE Autograph tent to meet them.  Mona’s live show turned out to be a lot better than the CD itself.

We were so excited to see Gary Clark, Jr. and ended up throwing the deuce on this show.  Not because of him…but because no matter where we tried to move to, a crowd of kids would move in right next to us and talk so loudly we couldn’t even hear him.  And that’s saying something.  Lolla footage.

The only vid on this list of a performance we didn’t actually get to see.  We decided to skip out early for our drive back to St. Louis.  Maybe we’ll be able to catch Justice at another show soon.

Be on the lookout for Laura’s blog about our Lolla adventures.  I may throw in my two cents here and there on it as well.

Cheers x

Tara

Y’all know by now that I am a major fan of The Dunwells.  Not just a fan.  A SUPERFAN.  What you may not know, with all the antics Laura and I get up to, is that I am also SHY.  Pathologically so around people I don’t know, which is why I hang around the group of friends I do.  I can sit back and let them do the talking for me when we get around people I don’t know well.  Hell, Laura talks enough for an entire crowd and she’s amazingly witty and funny (albeit with no filter or restraint) so it all evens out.  But what she also does is make me put myself out there and quit hiding in the corner.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t with me Tuesday night.

After bitching endlessly about the lack of tour dates anywhere remotely near me, I decided to give my friends a break and drive 4 1/2 hours from St. Louis, MO to Louisville, KY to see their show at Uncle Slayton’s with my friend, Emily, who lives there.  This was a great idea as we hadn’t seen each other for way too long, and we were able to catch up over a leisurely dinner before the show.  We arrived at the venue, and walked in.  Jonny Lamb (drums), was sitting at the bar ordering a drink and came over to say hi.  Me, being the person I am, was surprised he recognized me and I said so.  His reply was, “of course I recognized you” (after all, I did give them cupcakes with their severed heads on them in Nashville).  We spent a couple minutes talking, which mostly consisted of his newly ordered drink, my soon to be obtained drink, and Emily’s abstaining of drink.  Jonny informed her she was going to have to pretend because the band wouldn’t perform if everyone wasn’t drunk.  I won’t pretend that I wasn’t feeling awkward and really couldn’t think of anything to say, but Jonny was funny, charming, and more than made up for my lack in both areas.

After saying a quick hello to Tour Manager Jody, Emily and I grabbed a table and got ready to enjoy the show.  She had never seen The Dunwells before, but had heard enough from me, Laura, and other friends I’d taken to see them previously, to be excited.  It was well worth the 4 1/2 drive.  Hands down best show I’ve seen so far.  Uncle Slayton’s is a fairly small venue and a crowd of about 30 people or so didn’t pack the venue, but for a Tuesday in Louisville it was a very decent sized crowd.  They played an extended set, including several songs I had never seen them perform live before.  In The Moment, Dance With Me, Spin, and the newest song, So Beautiful, off the upcoming re-release of their debut album Blind Sighted Faith (buy it bitches!).  Also on the list was an Imogene Heap cover, Hide and Seek, that left the audience crying out for more.  One thing you can say about The Dunwells, their five part harmonies are breathtaking and they know how to play those guitars.  Joe and Dave Dunwell were outgoing, relaxed and having a good time on stage.  It carried over to the audience.  Not even the crazy ass cousin of the Banger Sisters sitting in the front row, snapping her fingers and yelling “you’re amazing!” every 30 seconds could detract from the show.  Another bonus was that Jonny was playing a full drum kit, instead of a cajón (a box-shaped percussion instrument, played by slapping the front face with the hands).  The guys asked the audience to stick around, have a drink, and come talk to them after the show.

Pretty sure this is me. Not Emily.

Emily and I decided to make a quick bathroom stop and by the time we got out there was a crowd of people surrounding the guys.  Emily and I skirted around everyone and went over to the merch table to peruse the available items.  CDs?  Got it, of course.  T-shirts and posters?  Why no… these are new since the last tour and I must have them now.  Procurred my t-shirt and asked for a poster, only to find out they all got rained on in New York and they didn’t have any left.  At this point, Dave Hanson (lead guitar), came over to us.  He started off the conversation by saying they had sold out of what they had.  Then it struck.

DEER.  HEADLIGHT.  SCREEEEEEECH.  FUCKING CRASH and BURN.

Emily and I both just looked at each other.  I’m POSITIVE the wide eyed panicked look on her face was an exact duplicate of mine.  I could literally think of NOTHING to say.  NOTHING TO SAY AT ALL!!!  After an extremely uncomfortable pause, Emily managed an awkward, “so…how do you like Louisville?”  What Dave’s reply was I have NO idea at all, because I was still too busy staring at Emily in panic-stricken horror.  She looked right back at me, our panic feeding off each other in waves.  She mouthed to me, “are you ready to go?”.  I mouthed back, “if you are”.  She looked relieved.  I had it in me to look at Dave and say, “amazing show.  Bye”.  And we fucking BOLTED out of that venue so fast my head spun.

Who is that FABULOUS movie star?

Emily and I both agreed the entire encounter was awkward and we didn’t know how it degenerated so quickly.  We’re both normally at least polite, if not verbose.  She dropped me at my car, and we said our goodbyes with promises to see each other again soon.  I got on the road and as soon as I got out of Louisville and crossed into Indiana, I called Laura to tell her what happened.  She laughed herself silly at my expense for a good 10 minutes.  She’s a whore, but she’s my whore so she’s allowed.  Once she came up for air, she quickly told me 1.  I was not allowed to go to a show without her EVER and B. we were going to fix it this weekend at Lollapalooza.  If she had to literally drag me up there like a recalcitrant child, we were going up to the guys and having a conversation.  I will say this now.  THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN.  I can never, ever show my face again.  Every show from here on out will be spent incognito, like I’m a hollywood star hiding from the paparazzi.  Big sunglasses, a huge hat, and sitting in the darkest corner I can find.

I’ve realized this was probably the rudest thing I’ve ever done.  Not to mention the stupidest.  These guys are going to be HUGE.  It’s not just me saying it.  Everywhere they go they are blowing away audiences and getting incredible reviews.  Writer/ director Cameron Crowe attended their show and tweeted about them when they were playing at The Hotel Cafe in LA in February (Dude!  I was AT that show!).  Renowned music industry analyst, Bob Lefsetz, blogged about how amazing they are.  Their first year touring America they have an astounding amount of great press and almost every show is a huge festival (SxSW, Lollapalooza, Austin City Limits to name a few).

This means very soon they are going to be playing to bigger audiences and won’t have the time to do meet and greets and have a beer with fans after the show.  This may have been my one and only opportunity to ask the shit ton of questions I’ve always wanted to ask them – and didn’t do it cause I ran like a little bitch.  This is worse than an epic fail on my part.  This was a hanging my head in shame, never to show my face again moment.  I’ve been to enough shows these guys RECOGNIZE me.  Now, I will always be that crazy girl who ran rather than talking to them like a normal person would.

So why did I turn into a brainless git?  I still don’t know.  It’s not like I’ve never spoken to them before.  Hell, I even talked to Jonny a bit earlier.  I’ll freely admit each time I have spoken with them, I felt awkward and couldn’t really think of anything to say, but I still managed to string a couple words together.  I could blame it on being worried about driving 4 1/2 hours home at night, by myself, across 4 states but that would be a lie.  If that were it, I think I would have at least been able to muster an apology that I had to leave and explain why.  The only thing I can think of is that I spend so much of my time trying NOT to be that crazy fan girl who won’t leave them alone that I went right straight out the other side and became the crazy fan girl that is too scared to talk to them.

I won’t go into all the questions I’d like to ask them.  Maybe I’ll save that for another time.  But I will share a few videos online that showcase how personable and amazing these guys are.  You can thank me later.  And you will.  ;)

Blind Sighted Faith – Live at The Bing Lounge.  See Jonny playing the cajón!

Interview at The Bing Lounge

Elizabeth – Live at the Northern Wine Bar. Probably the first video I saw of this song and it still makes me laugh to watch it.

5 Questions with The Dunwells

And if you’re really digging them, which I know by now you are… here’s an entire live set from Ditty TV (roughly 44 minutes)

So now y’all know I can be a total idiot and astound even my friends.  Even though I can never show my face again, I will STILL be at every concert I can get to, and continue to tell everyone I know all about The Dunwells, because their music is worth one of the most embarrassing events of my life (which they probably didn’t even notice).  Now that everyone has had a laugh at my expense, I’ll let ya get back to your day.  Oh – and to that cousin of the Banger Sisters in the front row.  I changed my mind.  Bitch – they are amazing but STFU!  We’re trying to listen to them!  Not you!

Cheers,

Tara

So time passes and I knew the event had occurred, never really putting too much thought into the book or how he may actually sign my book. As some of you may remember, Billy thinks it’s real funny to pretend he doesn’t know my name and call me Sarah…he’s done it privately and VERY publically…several times. He even put me on a guest list as Krissy’s Plus 1 once.  You can go back and read my prior post about that nonsense here. I’ve become accustomed to his “jokes”.  This is why I refer to him as Billy Long (although his name is actually Bobby Long…I contend that if he can’t get my name right, I can’t be bothered to get his right) Like I said, he thinks he’s real funny. So I get a text from Sheila the other day letting me know that my book was on it’s way back to me via snail mail. Again, didn’t think much about it other than to think to myself that I’d bet my firstborn that he’d sign it “To Sarah”…cause he thinks he’s funny.

So yesterday, I was on the phone with our very own Krissy Jill, talking about the regular, inconsequential stuff we spend a lot of time talking about. I had gone to get my hair did and when I returned home, I made my way to the mailbox. Sure enough, awaiting me was a small padded envelope, return address-California. I knew the contents of said envelope held my book. What I didn’t know was that it held so much more than that. What that little yellow Scotch Bubble Mailer held was the worst kind of DISHONESTY!!!!!!! What is the worst kind of dishonesty you ask? Well, my friends, I will be more than happy to tell you what that kind of dishonest is. It is the kind of dishonesty that you are coerced into perpetuating!!!!! That’s right folks. COERCED. See, even though Billy thinks he’s funny by calling me Sarah all the time, what he didn’t plan on is becoming a pawn in a sick twisted plan, put into motion by my “friends” to perpetuate the LIE that back last November we didn’t almost die. See…they thought by spreading this lie, it would be funny.

See…what had happened was, WE ALMOST DIED. You can go back and read the actual events of the night here. As one could imagine, driving a hot rod Lincoln at a high rate of speed in the dark Alabama night while you have impaired vision could definitely cause one to not be in complete control of ones vehicle. When one cannot judge the distance between yourself and the cars around you, you have officially lost control of your vehicle and one could make a sound argument that because of these factors, WE ALMOST DIED!!! It’s a Universal Truth. So when I received my book, inscribed by Billy, I saw first hand that he has been drafted by Krissy and Sheila to continue the lies and propaganda that Krissy has been spreading around in some kind of defense of the fact that WE ALMOST DIED!!! The inscription read, “To Sarah, +1, Laura—Y’all didn’t almost die.” Really???? OH REALLY BILLY???????? You weren’t there!!!! WE ALMOST DIED!!!! It was traumatizing!!!!!! I still have flashbacks!!!!!!!!!! How could he perpetuate that lie?? I’ll tell you how. HE WAS COERCED!!!! Wanna know how I know? How many Brits do you know that say Y’ALL?????? Those OBVIOUSLY weren’t his own words. THE WORST KIND OF DISHONESTY!!!!!! And I haven’t even mentioned Sheila. She was the messenger. She made this travesty possible. Several words come to mind to describe my good friend Sheila. Traitor, Judas, Benedict Arnold… She knows the truth, yet she still participated in these shenanigans. Shenanigans that have been going on since last November. This is what happens when people try to be funny.

LIES!!!!!!!!! All LIES!!!!!!!!!!

I like a good practical joke as much as the next person…as a matter of fact, I am the queen of practical jokes. I once left two cement deer in Santa hats in my friends yard one Christmas and more fake spiders have been left on pillows around here that this place looks like that house in Arachnophobia. So when someone gets over on me, I can appreciate it. I really can. It’s unfortunate though that Krissy has dragged Billy and Sheila into this. She has made them pawns in her game. Sheila willingly, Billy by coercion. I just feel bad for them all. Once you get sucked into the swirling vortex of my madness…the madness that comes from the unquenchable desire to retaliate when someone has bested me, all bets are off. Innocents get hurt. Just know, my friends, this is NOT over.

So Mr. Billy Long, you may have not realized it when it happened…and Sheila, my sweet, sweet Sheila….you two are now on my list. Krissy…I have no words for you right now except for LAUGH IT UP CHUCKLES!!!!!!!!! And you better savor the flavor. You have clearly learned that revenge is a dish best served cold. Let that marinate my friend.

Here’s a little taste of Mr. Billy Long’s poetry and music if you are not familiar. Thanks to JudasMarrsPhotography for posting this video

The Black Keys – Gold on The Ceiling  (was there ever a doubt that we were going to brave being trampled in the crowd to see them live?)

Metric – Gold Guns Girls

Passion Pit – The Reeling

Red Hot Chili Peppers – The Adventures of Raindance Maggie

Santigold – Disparate Youth

The Dunwells – Elizabeth (y’all know this is on my must see list!)

Alabama Shakes – Hold On

JJ Grey & Mofro – Lullaby (another on my must see list!)

White Rabbits – Temporary

The Walkmen – The Rat

Of Monsters and Men – Little Talks

Cheers,

Tara

All of these are names for Grandmothers. But not a damn one of these describe me…or at least I don’t FEEL like they do. All of these

Is this me in a year?

names conjure up old ladies in my mind. Some of those old ladies bake cookies. Some of them wear muumuus and have blue hair. Some of them spend their weekends riding from slot machine to slot machines on their Jazzy scooter with their bucket of nickels on their lap. Hell, even some of them smoke extra long cigarettes and cuss like sailors. But all of them are OLD! None of those images describe ME!!! Or do they?

I had blue hair for a couple of months (it was only a streak on the side). I have found myself baking cupcakes lately (although they had fondant likenesses of a rock band on them). I like to wear Maxi dresses that some people have said they look like a muumuu (I’m looking at you Tara). I don’t have a jazzy but I’d damn sure like to have one…not gonna lie. I don’t usually travel through casinos with a bucket full of nickels (but only because my bucket tends to stay empty). I DEFINITELY smoke crazy long cigarettes and I cuss like it’s my fucking job.

But I’m not old!

Or am I?????

I only ask this because, as much as it pains me to admit, I’m going to be a Grandmother. You read that right. My kid has a bun in the oven. I’m not upset by the fact that my daughter is going to be a mother. I’m not upset that she’s planning on moving back home and bringing an extra mouth to feed with her when she comes. I’m not even upset that she got knocked up by her boyfriend after just a short time of being in a relationship with him. Nope….I’m upset that my youth is officially over.

Yeah yeah, I know. That ship sailed long ago. But I liked to pretend that I was still somewhat youthful. I’m just vain enough that I keep the gray covered up and I like to dress in clothing that sometimes I just don’t have any business wearing .I definitely act childish on the regular so if I wasn’t paying real close attention, I could trick myself into believing that I still had a little bit of youngster in me. But that is just impossible to believe now, even for me. I’m officially old and I don’t like it one damn bit.

I have been bombarded with people telling me how awesome grandchildren are. I don’t doubt that. I have several close friends who are already grandparents and I know they find incredible joy in their grandchildren. I don’t think for one second that the little peanut is not going to give me so much love and joy that I will barely be able to stand it. But that won’t make me feel any younger.

I know I’m not a spring chicken. The calendar reminds me of that every day. I know when I watch tv and movies and see actors that were popular when I was a kid and I comment how “old” they look now (not everyone has held up as well as John Travolta. Have you seen Fonzie lately?) I know I’m old when I hear “classic” rock songs that came out when I was in high school. I know that I am old when I start telling stories to the young folk in my life how much technology has changed since I was a kid. No cell phones, no computers, only 3 channels on TV and if the president was on, you were screwed….you’d have to go to your room and listen to 45’s on your Shaun Cassidy Hardy Boys record player. I know I’m no longer young but dammit…do I have to have a title assigned to me as tangible proof of such? Grandma…I don’t think so.

I know there is no way around it. I’m going to be a Grandmother…but I refuse to be called anything that makes me sound old. I’m going to be LOLA! I’d much rather sound like a Showgirl…or a transvestite.

Thanks but I’ll take this << over this >>